heres my idea for 2015: once the amazon drones are released, i gather a group of millions of people and we all purchase dildos at the same exact time, and deliver them all to the same spot in new york. about 30 minutes later, people look into the distance and see what they think is stormclouds. no. its a huge wave of drones carrying dildos circling in on new york. soon they drop all the dildos and its too late. everyone is screaming everywhere they look dildos are falling and there is no escape. no one is spared. not even the children
it’s raining and cold outside
ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
The Alnwick Poison Garden is pretty much what you’d think it is: a garden full of plants that can kill you (among many other things). Some of the plants are so dangerous that they have to be kept behind bars. [x]
"uhm, i used to be a beat cop a long time ago. now i’d get called out on domestic disputes all the time, hundreds probably over the years. but there was this one guy, this one piece of shit, that i will never forget. Gordy. he looked like Bo Svenson. remember him? "Walking Tall"? you don’t remember? anyway, big boy. 270, 280. but his wife, or whatever she was, a lady, she was real small, like a bird. wrists like little branches. anyway, my partner and i get called out there every weekend and one of us would pull her aside and say, "c’mon, tonight’s the night. press charges." and this wasn’t one of those "deep down he really loves me" set ups, we get a lot of those, but not this. this girl was scared. she wasn’t gonna cross him no way, no how. nothing we could do but pass her off to the EMTs, put him in the car, drive him downtown, throw him in the drunk tank, he sleeps it off, next morning out he goes back home. one night, my partner is out sick and it’s just me. then the call comes in and it’s the usual crap. broken nose in the shower kind of thing. so i cuff him, put him in the car and away we go. only that night, we’re driving into town, and this sideways asshole is in my backseat humming "Danny Boy." and it just rubbed me the wrong way. so instead of left, i go right, out into nowhere, and i kneel him down and i put my revolver in his mouth and i told him, "this is it. this is how it ends." and he’s crying, going to the bathroom all over himself, swearing to God he’s gonna leave her alone, screaming as much as you can with a gun in your mouth. and i told him to be quiet and i needed to think about what i was gonna do here. and of course he got quiet. goes still and real quiet, like a dog waiting for dinner scraps. and we just stood there for a while, me acting like i’m thinking things over and Prince Charming kneeling in the dirt with shit in his pants. after a few minutes i took the gun out of his mouth and i say so help me if you ever touch her again, and such and such and such and blah and blah and blah blah blah blah blah. of course. just trying to do the right thing. but two weeks later he killed her. of course. caved her in with the base of Waring blender. we got there and there was so much blood you can taste the metal. the moral of the story is i chose a half measure when i should have gone all the way. i’ll never make that mistake again. no more half measures, Walter."
NOT THAT YOU DONT ALREADY LOOK CUTE OR ANYTHING
you’re the sweetest :***** and i didn’t think that at all!!!
You would look super cute with a pixie cut or like a messy bun with this dress
Thank you anna :~) I’ll keep that in mind when I wear it out!!
i was going to walk to union square and explore and take in the city and maybe go to a bookstore but i think instead i am just going to walk to chipotle, get an unreasonable amount of food, bring it home and watch netflix as i devour it
there are many i have to thank for making this selfie possible. especially my month-long free trial of amazon prime, for supporting my habit of buying dresses i do not need and for shipping said dresses to me within two business days at no additional charge